Chicago Shidduch Blog

These lists don't exist on paper anywhere but these unwritten list effect shidduch dating. The men , matter how brilliant (Brain Surgeon, Rocket Science Engineer) have a simple list. Attractive to him Intelligent level good for him Frumkite level good for him 80% of men know on the 1st date interested not interested. The women, matter how brilliant or not brilliant have a complicated list. Will he protect me physically ? (bring water on a 90 degree day)(provide warm transportation on cold days) ( get food for us if he told me we were going for a meal on the date) (If I don't like bugs, spiders, dogs, mice or wild animals, will he laugh at me or take care of the situation? Will he respect my emotions? Or put them down? (If I tell him about something that hurt me, will he tell me to stop being emotional or will he respect my emotions?) Will my opinions count? (Will he make all the decisions? or will it be done jointly?) Will he grow? Will he be open to gettin...

About 14 years when we started the Shidduch Group we had no idea the value of this dynamic. We thought we would trade resumes. Shortly after we started, someone suggested we all say each others childrens' names by Friday night candle lighting. So we did. That felt good. It was more than feeling others were davening for my children. It was now being linked spiritually to each engagement. Each of us could be a deeper part of each simcha. We started reading Letters from the Rebbe out loud, followed by discussion of the letters. Combined brain power. Everyone was the student, everyone was the teacher. These discussions evolved into a "to do" list. This list was an empowerment list. Whenever I felt "nothing was happening with my childrens' shidduchim", I could choose something from this "to do list". I was never "powerless to help my children". We went on to read many books on shidduchim. We brought in local speakers and out of town speak...