Power of a Shidduch Group
About 14 years when we started the Shidduch Group we had no idea the value of this dynamic. We thought we would trade resumes.
Shortly after we started, someone suggested we all say each others childrens' names by Friday night candle lighting.
So we did. That felt good. It was more than feeling others were davening for my children. It was now being linked spiritually to each engagement. Each of us could be a deeper part of each simcha.
We started reading Letters from the Rebbe out loud, followed by discussion of the letters. Combined brain power. Everyone was the student, everyone was the teacher. These discussions evolved into a "to do" list. This list was an empowerment list. Whenever I felt "nothing was happening with my childrens' shidduchim", I could choose something from this "to do list". I was never "powerless to help my children". We went on to read many books on shidduchim. We brought in local speakers and out of town speakers. Speakers were Shadchanim, Therapist, Social Workers, Rebbitsons and Rabbis.
Each person in the group had their own "circle of connections". Their relatives, life long friends from around the world, neighbors, co-workers. We didn't share our childrens' resumes but, over time the group members had an idea what you were looking for. The amount of suggestions increased dramatically though the group. We developed rules for making a suggestions for group members.
1. Suggestions had to be made privately.
2. The suggester couldn't ask the group member anything after the suggestion was made.
3. Just because the suggester gave you this name or resume didn't entitle her to information.
It could be you looked into it and it wasn't a match, or they said no, or the person was busy or it did work and they are dating. Group members have to feel secure that running into the suggester at the store or at shul isn't going to be uncomfortable or invasive.
4. You, the receiver of this suggestion can go back to the suggester and ask for help or more information.
The group was respectful of these rules, we maintained our privacy. A few minutes before an engagement was to go on internet , the group was informed.
After each engagement group members would share something about the shidduch. Often that would be inspirational. It helped us think out of the box. Her daughter was known for intelligence and she married a "doer". A few girls married someone younger, someone shorter, someone from a farther location, someone more outgoing than herself, someone just a bit different than they had imagined.
The group was comprised of community members not "close friends". So, the information was something you wouldn't have known without the group situation. You also ended up on Sheva Bracha and bridal shower committees , that enabled you to build a"keli" for your childs' shidduch.
Feel free to add to this list.
Shortly after we started, someone suggested we all say each others childrens' names by Friday night candle lighting.
So we did. That felt good. It was more than feeling others were davening for my children. It was now being linked spiritually to each engagement. Each of us could be a deeper part of each simcha.
We started reading Letters from the Rebbe out loud, followed by discussion of the letters. Combined brain power. Everyone was the student, everyone was the teacher. These discussions evolved into a "to do" list. This list was an empowerment list. Whenever I felt "nothing was happening with my childrens' shidduchim", I could choose something from this "to do list". I was never "powerless to help my children". We went on to read many books on shidduchim. We brought in local speakers and out of town speakers. Speakers were Shadchanim, Therapist, Social Workers, Rebbitsons and Rabbis.
Each person in the group had their own "circle of connections". Their relatives, life long friends from around the world, neighbors, co-workers. We didn't share our childrens' resumes but, over time the group members had an idea what you were looking for. The amount of suggestions increased dramatically though the group. We developed rules for making a suggestions for group members.
1. Suggestions had to be made privately.
2. The suggester couldn't ask the group member anything after the suggestion was made.
3. Just because the suggester gave you this name or resume didn't entitle her to information.
It could be you looked into it and it wasn't a match, or they said no, or the person was busy or it did work and they are dating. Group members have to feel secure that running into the suggester at the store or at shul isn't going to be uncomfortable or invasive.
4. You, the receiver of this suggestion can go back to the suggester and ask for help or more information.
The group was respectful of these rules, we maintained our privacy. A few minutes before an engagement was to go on internet , the group was informed.
After each engagement group members would share something about the shidduch. Often that would be inspirational. It helped us think out of the box. Her daughter was known for intelligence and she married a "doer". A few girls married someone younger, someone shorter, someone from a farther location, someone more outgoing than herself, someone just a bit different than they had imagined.
The group was comprised of community members not "close friends". So, the information was something you wouldn't have known without the group situation. You also ended up on Sheva Bracha and bridal shower committees , that enabled you to build a"keli" for your childs' shidduch.
Feel free to add to this list.
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