Empowerment in Shidduchim #1

This morning another 28 year old girl emailed me. She asked me to help her network. Just give me a name! get me names! I just need a name!!!! Statistics say, That a person can get along with(even marry)One out of 16 people. So at 28,  I have to figure she has dated 16,32 or even 64 different people  in the last eight years, So is it really just give me a name or there other things that she could be doing?

We have all heard of or done some segula's or built a "keli"(vessel for the bracha).
What is this? Does it work? Why have I done some and it hasn't worked yet?
Sick of another suggestion of doing something more?

I want to start with what this isn't. This isn't ,I will do something extra for H-shem and he will send me my bashert. 
So, what is this?
Yiddishkeit has been described as a ladder ,with infinite rungs going up.
These extra spiritual mitzvahs take you up a rung. This opens your perspective. From higher up ,you can see things differently. Some people need to go up a little higher before finding their bashert. When you take on something extra for shidduchim, pay special attention to who comes your way. Take a closer look, give him/her a chance.
Another point: if you add something  and in 2 weeks nothing happens, go up another rung.

In Siddur, about a page after Morning brochos there is a paragraph listing 13 of the 613 mitzvot.
 (leaving crops for the poor,1st fruits,3 festivals, chesed, study of Torah ,honoring parents ,early attendance  ,hospitality, visiting the sick, DOWERING THE BRIDE, escorting the dead,  concentration in prayer and bringing peace between people.)
In the Rebbe's letters on shidduchim ,he mentions dowering the bride in 7 letters.
I've met people from all different circles in the orthodox community. Across the board, all circles know about this, and do this.

There are numerous ways to accomplish this without cash.Not every person has cash but every person is talented in a few areas.  I want to suggest a few creative ways to work on this.

Help a Kallah by:
Ask her what she needs you to do
Creating her logo
Putting her guest list on computer
Organize her table seating
Find housing for her out of town guests
Help make the hospitality bags
Address the envelopes
Alterations on her gown or sheva brocha clothes
Organize a bridal shower
Pick up her guests from the airport
Pick up the  centerpieces, or  chupa
Shopping, locating items the kallah is looking for
Take care of the shick 
Take her things to the dry cleaner

Other suggestions  for stirring up action in your shidduchim.

Gratefulness: write down 3 things a day you are grateful for. Gratefulness attracts more things to be grateful for.

Get a shidduch coach. 

Let go of grudges. Opens channels of bracha.

Make up with your relatives. Power of forgiveness.

Visit the graves of your relatives.






Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

119 Shidduchs ...How did that Happen?

Over 14 years ago there a group of women who gathered together to work on shidduchim for their children. We thought we would each speak about our children and trade resumes. That never happened. Someone took a sefer off the shelf, we started reading the Rebbes' letters on shidduchim. After each letter, there was a discussion.The letters were very soft spoken. None of them seemed to demand big actions but we found small actions were needed. We created an experimental "to do list". We started "doing"and we started to see engagements. We went though all the Chabad books in English. We got teachers to translate other seferim. We went though all the frum books. Each one added to our body of information. From there we started pooling our money and flying in Teachers, advisors. When our community was bringing in a speaker for the community, we would get a private audience with the Rabbi/Rebbitson. Each Teacher gave over excellent information but some of the teachers
Read more

me 11

LETS SAY YOUR NOT GETTING SUGGESTIONS RIGHT NOW AND YOU WANT TO CHANGE THAT CHOOSE SOMETHING ON THE LIST, WAIT A DAY OR TWO , CHOOSE ANOTHER. ANYTHING YOU DO AS A GROUP IS 10X MORE POWERFUL THEN DOING IT BY YOURSELF. 1. READ AND STUDY LETTERS FROM ETERNAL JOY. ALIGN YOURSELF WITH THE REBBES WISDOM. 2. GIVE CHARITY TO A NEEDY KALLAH OR TO A FUND THAT HELPS KALLAHS. 3. HELP A KALLAH WITH SOMETHING FOR HER CHASUNAH. 4. ADD TEHILLIM. 5. ADD SOMEONE ELSES CHILD KAPITAL TEHILLIM. 6. ADD A LEARNING SEDER 7. ADD A DAVENING. 8. IF YOU ALREADY DAVEN 3 TIMES A DAY, AND ALREADY DO CHITAS, ADD SOMETHING ELSE. 9. GET A BRACHA FROM SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOU. 10. HAVE A FARBRENGEN, GIVE EVERYONE BROCHOS. 11. SEND THE RESUME TO  A SHADCHAN THAT DOESN'T HAVE IT YET. 12. MAKE PHONE CALLS FOR SOMEONE ELSES CHILD. 13. WRITE DOWN 3 THINGS EVERY DAY THAT YOU ARE GRATEFUL FOR UNTIL THE VORT. 14. CALL PEOPLE FROM THE GROUP AND ASK
Read more